Excuse me.
Shithead.
You shouldn't be here.
l know. Ask for at least §1,000, okay?
l'll get as much as l can. You hide.
His wife took his kid and a couple of million...
and we won't get a thousand.
Shut up and stay hidden.
l told him l was coming alone.
Hey, Mr. Crisp.
How's it going?
You said you had information about my family.
Yeah, yeah, l do.
Well, let's have it.
Well, it's going to cost you.
Like §1,000?
Okay, that's obviously not my final offer.
750 would be fine.
l mean, more than fine.
Just tell me what you have, Danny...
and l'll take good care of you.
Okay.
That sounds fair.
l was doing a delivery for Corky last week
out of state...
and l ran into your ex.
How'd she look?
She looked great, Mr. Crisp. Yeah.
She changed her hair and stuff...
but she looked like a million dollars.
ln fact, she looked like about §3 million.
Did she see you?
No. l was changing a tire...
and suddenly, there she was across the street...
taking her kid into this school.
My boy?
Looked great.
He looked very healthy.
lt's a real nice, healthy place where they're living.
lt snows in winter there.
Danny...
where are they?
At the school where l saw them--
Astoria Elementary School.
That's--
lt's in Astoria, Oregon.
All right.
Did you tell anyone else this?
No.
No way.
Hey, l'm not stupid, Mr. Crisp.
You're not?
Danny.
Danny! No!
Danny!
Get up!
Don't you die on me!
l didn't kill him. l didn't kill him.
Was it Crisp?
l don't know. l didn't see anything.
What are you doing?
Hey, hey, hey!
Stop it! Don't do that!
Don't go anywhere.
Let me go!
No! Let me off of him!
l don't like what you've done.
l really don't like it.
lt feels terrible, and it looks dreadful.
l'm trying my best.
Maybe your best isn't good enough.
l'm back.
Oh, great. Well, that was fast.
lt was easy.
l have some great, exciting, wonderful news, Mother.
Oh, you always exaggerate, Cullen.
Everything is always great, terrific.
So, what's so great?
l just found out where they're hiding.
Are you serious? You really know where he is?
Manicure, Mr. Crisp?
Oh, how could l say no to you?
Tell me.
What's happened?
Just let me handle this myself, Mother.
l know what l'm doing.
Everything is under control.
lt's all right. l'm a police officer.
Crisp, you're under arrest.
Put your hands on your head
and get up!
Kimble, not again!
Your hands!
They're up.
When will you leave me alone?
Drop the gun! Drop the gun!
Hey, l'm a police officer.
This is an arrest.
This man's crazy. Look at him.
He'll kill me. You're just going to stand there?
Freeze!
l'm a cop!
l'm Detective John Kimble.
This man is under arrest.
l'm checking.
You can't just walk in here
and put a gun in my face.
l'm trying to get a manicure.
l have witnesses.
l have a witness, too.
lt's murder one this time.
Now you're mine.
The bastard handcuffed me to a dead man!
A dead man!
Come on. Sit down.
Now, did Danny ever say
what Crisp's wife looked like?
No.
Did he ever say what name she was using in Oregon?
He didn't say anything.
Look, l just want to go home.
After the lineup, l'll drive you home.
l'll even buy you dinner.
l'll even cook you dinner.
l'm not doing any lineup...
and there ain't jack shit you can do about it!
l've been after Crisp for four years...
and she's letting my key witness walk away?
Kimble, sit down!
Sit down.
- Sit. - Sit.
Now listen to me.
He killed your boyfriend.
All you have to do is point your finger...
and we can put him away for 30 years.
He wasn't my boyfriend. l hardly knew the guy.
l know you're in there.
l know what you want, but you ain't getting it.
No lineup, no testimony.
So shove your handcuffs up your ass!
Now let me out of here!
Slow down!
Open it and let me out!
O'Hara, meet Kimble.
Kimble's been on this a long time.
Hi.
Let me take care of Cindy.
She'll make Crisp. l guarantee it.
What are you going to do...
handcuff her to your car
and take her for a ride?
l'm not going to offer to cook her dinner.
Kimble, hold on a second. l--
Difficult man. Got to get to know him.
Oh, l can't wait.
Hey, baby.
What you mean, ''Hey, baby''?
¿Dònde vas?
Shit!
Oh, excuse me.
l forgot to introduce myself.
My name is John Kimble...
and l love my car.
l'll keep an eye on it for you.
You got a beautiful ride.
Shit. Who does he think he is?
He's lucky l didn't kick his ass.
Open up.
You can't come in.
Thank you.
What the fuck?
All right...
party's over.
Everyone go home.
Next time, my place.
So who are you, man?
Shit!
l'm the party-pooper.
Hi, Cindy.
Do you mind if l sit down?
No.
Sit down, man.
Oh, it's so nice to see you again.
What are you doing here, you asshole?
Cindy, l don't like you using foul language...
not a classy girl like you.
Don't you have anything better to do?
You don't understand.
l have nothing else to do...
and l have nowhere else to go.
Why are you staring at me like that?
l like you, Cindy.
l'm going to be around you a lot--
days, nights, weekends, holidays.
No.
No, you can't.
Yes, l can.
l'm going to hang out with you
until the end of time.
All right, move it in. Let's go.
Step onto the numbers.
Face front.
Everybody, hands to your side.
That's the creep.
Who?
Number five.
That's him.
Good.
Very good.
Mr. Crisp, you will be remanded into custody
until your trial.
Bailiff, remove the prisoner.
Shh. Don't say anything.
Just take it easy.
l'll take care of it. Trust me.
You know what to do?
l'm your mother, aren't l?
Mind if l talk to my friend a little bit?
l'm not talking to anybody without my lawyer.
He's right in here.
You give me the names
of your drug suppliers and distributors...
and l'll tell the judge
what a nice, cooperative killer you are.
You think the jury's going to convict me
on the testimony of that junkie?
You could be right.
But what about your wife?
You remember her?
All that hard-earned drug money
she stole from you?
How much was it...
§3 million?
l bet she would make a much better witness.
Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me...
and what has it gotten you, hmm?
Nothing.
l'll be out in a week...
and you'll still be eating take-out food
in that dump you live in.
Yeah, l know all about you, Kimble.
Without me, you wouldn't even have a life.
My old lady left 'cause of the money.
Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.
l've never seen anyone so little
eat so much.
Yeah, l know. l'm hypoglycemic.
lf l don't eat regularly...
l get a little nuts.
So... where you from?
Austria.
How long you been a cop?
l been a cop for 12 years.
My father was a cop...
my brother was a cop...
my mother was a cop's wife.
And l have no hobbies.
You two are booked on the first flight to Portland tomorrow.
Locate Crisp's wife and offer her immunity
in exchange for her testimony against him.
No offense to O'Hallahan...
but this is my case, and l work alone.
He works alone.
Not anymore.
She's going in undercover
as a substitute kindergarten teacher.
Not exactly a job for you.
l used to be a teacher.
We'll be fine.
What do l do?
She locates the kid...
you find the mother and the cash...
and Crisp spends his life making license plates.
Bon voyage.
Oh, and, Kimble, the name's O'Hara.
OK. Here's the wife at 17.
Real name's Rachel Myatt.
She's from Hannibal, Missouri, class of '76.
Cheerleader, first violin
in the school orchestra...
captain of the girls' softball team.
Her ambition was ''To travel...
experience life...
and meet interesting people.''
Like Crisp.
Okay.
Relax.
Don't let him get to you.
That's her 10 years later.
lt's a great shot of an ear.
You get in touch with her parents?
They're both dead.
The only relative she's got left is the kid.
Hey.
Okay. This is the only picture we have of him.
Cullen Jr., aged 3 months.
That helps much.
lt's the best l could do.
Breakfast, sir? Ma'am?
Please.
No. No, no.
That's a first.
Listen, l was just thinking.
Maybe we should take a wild stab
at getting to know each other
before we have to pretend we're married.
What do you want to know?
How long have we been married?
A long time.
People won't expect us to talk much to each other.
l want to read it, too.
Stop it.
Please?
Let me take a look.
Hey, come here.
lf you don't stop screwing around back there...
this is what l'll do with you.
Ohh.
What's the matter?
l don't know.
l just don't feel so good.
You hungry?
l got to get out of here right now.
Get those tree stumps out of my way
before l vomit all over them.
ls your wife okay, sir?
Compared to what?
Maybe it was the burrito.
Or it could've been the sausages.
l don't think it was the crab salad.
lt couldn't have been the doughnuts.
Excuse me.
Oh, l hate feeling like this.
l hate it, too.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh what?
Uh-oh...
pull over.
Now?
Yeah. Please hurry.
The key!
Give me the key!
Do you need a hand?
You okay?
l'm fine.
l'll be fine.
Class starts at 9:00 in the morning.
l'll be fine.
You look much better already.
Oh. Kindergarten, 6-year-olds.
That's why l quit teaching, you know.
l got so sick of other people's kids.
l was afraid that l'd never want to have any
of my own.
l have a son.
He's 13.
l remember when he was 5.
He lives with his mother and stepfather.
Aah!
What's the matter?
What...
is...
that?
Oh, excuse me. l forgot to tell you.
This is my ferret.
He doesn't bite. Don't worry.
Come on. Come on out.
This is all l need-- an obstacle.
A goddamn obstacle.
He sends me an obstacle.
Here.
Oh, God.
Don't worry.
l'm going to make it.
l just need a minute.
l'll be ready in just a minute.
l just got--
Oh, God.
How do l look?
Take off the gun.
That's a good idea.
The little bastards are going to eat you alive.
Get some rest, and don't worry.
l've been working undercover for a long time.
They're 6-year-olds.
How much trouble can they be?
On second thought...
take the gun.
Matthew...
l sent you to the principal's office
because you punched Jenny.
l know. She poisoned your hamsters.
She told me all about it...
and she's very sorry.
And l'm sorry that l didn't believe you.
- But you shouldn't punch people. - But she--
Mr. Kimble, Miss Schlowski will see you now.
Let's go back to class.
Can l help you?
l'm John Kimble, your new kindergarten teacher.
We were expecting a Miss O'Hara.
There's been a change of plan.
Four weeks into the new semester...
my superintendent told me l had to replace Mrs. Hagley...
a kindergarten teacher of 25 years' experience...
with an undercover police officer...
and he wouldn't even tell me why.
l don't suppose you would do me the courtesy
of filling me in.
l can't do that.
Oh.
You can't do that.
l'm watching you.
All l have to do is tell my parents
that you're with the police...
and they'll yank their kids
out of this school so fast...
we'd have to close.
And don't you think l won't
if l feel my children are in any danger.
They're not in danger.
l assume you have some teaching experience.
They wouldn't have sent me otherwise.
Just wait here a minute.
Everybody sit down on the carpet!
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning, Miss Schlowski.
Your teacher, Mrs. Hagley
had to go on an important trip.
Where'd she go?
That doesn't matter.
Did she die?
No, Lowell. She went to see someone.
Did they die?
No, Lowell.
Everyone dies, you know.
l know, but not for a long, long time.
Now, until Mrs. Hagley comes back...
we have someone special to help.
This is Mr. Kimble...
your new kindergarten teacher.
Now, let's everybody say, ''Good morning, Mr. Kimble.''
Good morning, Mr. Kimble.
Good morning.
They're all yours.
l'll be watching you.
Hi.
How are you?
l'm very happy to be here.
First l would like to just get to know you.
Quiet.
l'm going to ask you a bunch of questions.
l want to have them answered immediately.
How many of you were born in Astoria?
Raise your hands. Let's see them.
Okay, hmm.
Now, anyone that was not born in Astoria...
somewhere outside like California...
raise your hands.
Yes.
l need to go to the bathroom.
Okay. You can go.
Boys have a penis.
Girls have a vagina.
Thanks for the tip.
Yes?
l need to go to the bathroom...
and l can't get these things off.
l'll get someone to help you.
l'll be right back, okay?
You've learned that the ''e'' is often silent
when it immediately follows another vowel.
Now write and say these words--
Oh, um...
class, uh, Catherine...
can you take over for me, please?
Thank you.
''E'' is the fifth letter of the alphabet.
Yes, can l help you?
l have a problem.
Mr. Kimble...
l need to go real bad.
First day?
Yes.
l'll take care of her.
Thank you.
You know, kindergarten is like the ocean.
Don't turn your back on it.
They're okay.
Don't worry.
Everything is under control.
No.
Monsters.
What are you doing with this?
Aren't you going to break it up?
No. Two more days of this...
and he'll quit.
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up.
No.
Don't start this.
Aah!
Attention!
This is your new class mascot.
What happened to your dog?
This is not a dog.
This is a ferret.
What's a ferret?
That's a ferret.
Oh!
lf he bites you, you get rabies and die.
No. That's not true.
He never bites.
Can l pet him?
Sure, but one at a time, okay?
Good. Okay, next one. Come on.
Yes.
Good.
Yeah.
Good. Now we're having fun.
What's that supposed to mean?
Mrs. Hagley is a lot better than you.
ls she?
ls she really?
My mom's a teacher in this school...
and she's a lot better than you, too.
Great.
On Monday nights, my mom tutors
and Mrs. Quinn takes care of me.
She's better than you, too.
Great.
And Frankie, my swimming teacher...
and Gus, my T-ball coach, are better than you, too.
l really appreciate your honesty.
You happen to know someone that's not better than me?
l don't know that many people.
John?
Are you there?
How did it go?
Go away.
lt went that well, huh?
You take over tomorrow.
And blow our cover?
Can't do it.
They're horrible.
Tell me about it.
He's gay.
What kind of a man teaches kindergarten?
He's obviously gay.
A male kindergarten teacher isn't what l'm used to.
Samantha calls him ''The giant.''
There he is.
Where, honey?
Holy cow, is that your new teacher?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
- l'm not wearing makeup. - None of us are.
You're married. You're allowed to look like slobs.
Be good. l'll be back to pick you up.
Good morning, Mr. Kimble.
Good morning.
l told you he was big.
Play with the kids, honey.
Hi. l'm Jillian, Sylvester's mom.
Do you have a minute?
l'd like to speak with you.
Sure.
Please.
Thank you.
A male kindergarten teacher.
That's unusual.
You're not from around here, are you?
No. l'm not.
Neither am l.
Huh.
Anyway...
um...
l have a small problem.
Yes?
You see, Sylvester's father
doesn't live with us anymore...
and l've just been worried about Sylvester.
He's been acting a little strange lately--
You know, doing odd things.
Like what?
Well, it seems that's he's becoming
a little obsessed with playing with dolls.
You know, it's weird.
l think l can help you with that.
Really?
He uses the dolls to look up girls' skirts.
l caught him doing it yesterday.
Oh. Oh, well, that's a relief.
But l'll keep an eye on him, okay?
Thank you.
Does Sylvester ever see his father?
No. No, not since he was 2.
His father lives in California.
That is far away.
Mm-hmm.
Well, if you give me his name and number...
l could talk to him
about taking more interest in his son.
That's very kind, but l don't think so.
But it's tough on Sylvester, don't you think?
No.
No, what's tough on Sylvester
is his father left us for another man.
Are you married, Mr. Kimble?
No, l'm not.
He's not married, Mom!
Welcome to Astoria...
the single-parent capital of America.
Thank you for your time.
l pledge allegiance
to the flag
of the United States of America...
and to the republic
for which it stands...
one nation, under God...
indivisible...
with liberty and justice for all.
Are these all your lunches?
You mean you eat other people's lunches?
Stop it!
Now we're going to do something extremely fun.
We're going to play a game called...
''Who is my daddy and what does he do?''
Yes?
ls your daddy a fireman?
He's probably big. ls he a wrestler?
A basketball coach?
No, no.
What's the matter?
l have a headache.
lt might be a tumor.
lt's not a tumor!
lt's not a tumor at all.
What l meant was...
you tell me who is your daddy
and what does he do?
Oh.
Get it?
We start right here. You.
My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads.
My dad doesn't do anything since the crash.
My dad gives money to people that doesn't have money...
then people use that money...
then they give other money back
and they give the same amount
of money back to my dad.
My dad doesn't live with us anymore.
He lives in New York and drives a taxi.
My mom hopes he's going to die real soon.
My dad watches TV all day long.
My dad works on computers...
and he's, um, the boss of his company...
and, um, he has a mustache and a beard.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
He doesn't have that much hair because--
and he-- his head is so big
that he can't wear any hats.
My dad's divorced.
My mom's divorced.
My dad, um, is a psychologist...
and he helps people that are hurt
or lost their feelings...
and, um, that's it.
Our mom says that our dad
is a real sex machine.
Good.
l don't know what my dad does.
l haven't seen him in a long time.
He lives in France.
My dad is a gynecologist...
and he looks at vaginas all day long.
Mi papà trabaja en la casa...
y èl juega conmigo mucho.
Thank you. Very good.
Okay. Next, uh--
What's his name with his back to me?
His name's Zach Sullivan.
He doesn't like anyone to talk to him.
He's a poo-poo head.
He's a poo-poo face.
He's a ca-ca poo-poo.
He's a poo-poo ca-ca.
- Poo-poo ca-ca! - Poo-poo ca-ca!
Quiet.
That's enough.
Hey, Zach.
Did your daddy teach you this game?
Come on, Zach. Let's all play together.
lt's so much more fun.
Leave me alone!
What's that?
lt's a fire alarm!
Come on, come on.
Everyone together! Come on.
l'm on fire!
Come on. All together!
l'm on fire!
Very straight. Very straight.
Come on, come on. Get all together.
Everything together. Come on.
Come on. Quiet.
Quiet! Come on.
Shh! Quiet.
Well, we're all glad
the kindergarten class could join us.
That's four minutes.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
All the other grades...
your times were an improvement...
but they're still not good enough.
l'm very disappointed.
All right, let's get back into school.
Mrs. Sullivan!
So the doctor says it's a stomach flu.
l'm fine. l can eat anything l want.
Let's find a restaurant.
Can we talk business?
There are 14 boys in the classroom.
So far l have three possible suspects, one likely.
Here's a picture. You listening?
l'm listening.
His name's Zach Sullivan. What do you think?
He's cute. Doesn't anybody eat around here?
Listen, he's a dead ringer for Crisp. Look.
Maybe. Come on, John. l'm hungry.
A table for two. Thank you very much.
Two hot dogs.
Two hot dogs?
Mr. Kimble! Mr. Kimble!
Dominic.
lt's him, Mom.
Joyce.
Hello, Joyce.
Dominic has been a great help.
He's a good kid.
Who's that?
Who?
Her.
Oh, that?
Uh, that is, uh--
l am his sister.
Oh, really?
l wouldn't have guessed.
You have to excuse my brother.
He has no manners.
My name is Ursula. Wonderful to meet you.
l'm visiting here from Austria.
l'm Joyce Paulmarie. l work at John's school.
Ah.
And this is Dominic.
Nice to meet you.
Would you like to join us for dinner?
- No. - Ja.
Ja.
Yes, of course. That would be great.
Hi. There will be four of us.
Table 27.
Why did you tell her you were my sister?
Relax, butch. The love doctor is here.
Come to me. l want to start.
Okay. l want a rib eye steak
with mashed potatoes
and a large green salad.
Oh, no. Wait a minute.
l want to start
with the spicy chicken wings.
Are they the tiny ones without meat?
Actually, it's quite a large serving.
Ah, good.
Ooh, good arms.
And a large bowl of the clam chowder.
Uh, and the blueberry pie
with ice cream for dessert.
Ja.
l like how they talk.
l've been trying to get to know the parents...
but some of them are avoiding me.
Some of them are like that.
lt's a strange town that way...
especially with new arrivals.
What do you mean?
l think a lot of people
that come to small towns
are trying to get away from something
or they're hiding something.
Like what?
Well, for example, what brought you here?
Me? Well, there was an opening
for a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah, but what made you become a kindergarten teacher?
l mean, it is a bit unusual.
John is a bit unusual.
Well--
You are.
l was born in Austria.
My father was a teacher.
My mother was a teacher.
So is Ursula.
Ja.
We have a tradition in Austria
where we follow the footsteps of our parents.
So when l moved to this country...
l taught geography
and physical education in Arizona...
and then l coached basketball
at an all-girls school in Rhode lsland, but...
none of it made me really happy.
Why weren't you happy?
Ja. Why weren't you happy?
Well, l got tired of teaching teenagers...
because by the time they came to me...
l felt there wasn't much l could do with them.
l realized that the real action is in kindergarten.
How long have you been teaching kindergarten?
lt's my second day.
Oh.
Ooh, excuse me, but it's good.
lt is good.
Thanks again.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Bye.
l had a great time.
Ja, me, too.
Well, Kimble, l think you scored.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about?
l'm only interested in her
because she works at the school.
She knows the children and the parents.
lf you were any stiffer...
we could take you surfing.
Now, l know you like that woman.
What is your problem?
The only problem l've got
is that l'm doing your job.
You should be cleaning up the paint
and reading stories about bears that go shopping.
l'm stuck with your job.
Yeah. You are.
That's right. l am.
Look, you're going to be out of here
in a few days.
You told me yourself you had a few good leads.
You'll be back dealing with junkies and murderers
in no time.
They're pushing me around.
Who?
The kids.
They're walking all over me.
Listen, Kimble.
You got to handle this
like any other police situation.
You walk into it showing fear...
you're dead...
and those kids know you're scared.
No fear.
Today we're going to play a new fun game.
lt's called ''police school.''
l'm going to be your sheriff.
You're going to be my deputy trainees.
Come on.
Stop whining.
You kids are soft.
You lack discipline.
Well, l've got news for you.
You are mine now. You belong to me!
You're not going to have your mommies here
to wipe your tushies.
Oh, no.
lt's time to turn this mush into muscles.
No more complaining.
No more, ''l have to go to the bathroom.''
There is no bathroom!
Now, the first thing the deputy trainees have to learn
is to freeze whenever you hear this.
Now, the next time you hear this whistle...
each one of you get one toy.
How many?
One!
Good. Then bring it back to the carpet...
pronto.
Ready?
Wait for it.
Sit down.
Ready?
Go quickly.
Get your toy.
Go.
Go for it.
Yes. Very fast.
Good. Quickly.
Bring the toy back to the carpet.
Bring it back to the carpet.
Quick, quick, quick.
Back to the carpet.
Quickly.
Emma.
Emma...
take your toy to the carpet.
l'm not a policeman. l'm a princess.
Take your toy back to the carpet.
l'm not a policeman!
l'm a princess.
Take it back!
All right.
Very good.
You did very well.
Now we're going to play another game.
When you hear two whistle blows...
take your toy back where you got it
and come right back.
How many whistle blows?
- Two! - Two!
Good. Ready?
Go.
Come on.
Come right back to the carpet.
Yes. lt works.
This is great.
Faster, faster.
Come on.
Yes. Come back. Terrific.
This is working. Wait.
l mean, you're very good deputies.
Your sheriff is proud of you.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Wait! Take me.
Down. Up. Down.
Yes, yes, yes!
You've got it.
Yes, Wanda. Good.
Very good.
Big circles. Big circles.
Good.
Now do the same thing. Way back.
And down in big circles.
Big circles.
Yes.
This is a fire drill!
This is a fire drill.
Run to the door.
Dominic, don't forget Ferret.
Yes. lt's a fire drill.
Come on.
Oh, this is terrible.
Come on. Come on.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
One more.
Come on. Down and up.
Yes!
Zach is the winner.
Come on, you guys.
March, 2, 3, 4.
Swing your arms.
2, 3, 4.
Swing them high. 2, 3, 4.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Wow.
1, 2, 3, 4!
Reading, writing, arithmetic.
Reading, writing, arithmetic!
Too much homework makes me sick.
Too much homework makes me sick!
When it's time to pass the test...
kindergarten is the best.
Yay!
E-l-E-l-O
And on that farm he had a duck
E-l-E-l-O
All right. Take your milk.
lt makes you big and strong.
lt's story time, Mr. Kimble.
All right.
We all like this one...
and if you read us a story now...
everybody will go to sleep.
All right.
l used to read this to my son.
What's his name?
Who?
Your son.
Oh, Alex is his name.
Where is he?
He lives with his mother.
You see, his mother and l...
we are--
Divorced. l know.
What's a divorce?
lt's when your daddy lives someplace else
and comes over to take you places...
and your mommy says he's a deadbeat.
No. lt's when the daddy
doesn't want to see his little boy anymore.
That's not what it is.
Why don't you want to see your little boy?
Was he bad?
No, he was not bad.
lt wasn't his fault at all.
You see...
his mommy and l, we just nev--
Just sit down, okay?
Let me just start reading.
Why don't you all lie down?
Okay.
Good. And rest.
''If you were a bird and Iived on high
you'd Iean on the wind when the wind came by.
You'd say to the wind when it took you away...
That's where I wanted to go today.
Where am I going? I don't quite know.
What does it matter where peopIe go?
Down to the wood where the bIuebeIIs grow.
Anywhere.
I don't know.''
Huh!
Hi.
I didn't mean to startIe you.
I must have dozed off.
I can't beIieve you got them aII to sIeep.
I worked them hard.
I was wondering if...
you'd Iike to come to my pIace for dinner
tomorrow night.
I wouId Iike that.
Yes.
Great.
WeII, here are the directions.
How about 6:30, 7:00?
That wouId be fine.
What?
Um--
You-- You've got a IittIe mustache.
Oh, it must be from the miIk.
WeII, I'd better get back to cIass.
I'II see you tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.
Freeze!
No!
No.
This is Henry Shoop...
my fiancè.
Hi.
Your fiancè?
Yeah, my fiancè.
Henry, this is obviousIy my partner...
John kimbIe.
Oh, jeez.
Uh--
Hi.
How you doing?
Let me get this...
and I'II be right out.
Oh!
It's okay, honey.
I'II be right out.
It's my birthday.
WeII, congratuIations.
Thanks. He came up here just to surprise me.
And he made me my favorite-- pasta a oIio.
I Iove you, Henry.
I Iove you, too, Phoebes.
Uh-- WeII, I've got to head back tonight.
I've got to work.
Henry's a chef.
I'm a chef.
You're marrying a chef?
I'm marrying a great chef.
That figures.
You mean that, a great chef?
Of course. You're a genius, Henry.
Not just a good chef?
WeII, nice to meet you.
CongratuIations. Happy birthday.
Thanks. You want some of this?
It wasn't overcooked?
You're the best.
It wasn't a IittIe overcooked?
No. AI dente.
Zach.
Excuse me. I'm John kimbIe, Zach's teacher.
I didn't know he was foIIowing me.
Hi. I've been Ieaving messages on your machine.
I'm sorry. Things have been hectic.
What about now?
Uh--
Go for a IittIe waIk.
Your teacher and I have to taIk.
Uh--
I know what this is about.
I suppose you saw the bruises on Zach's Iegs?
My husband has started counseIing about this.
He's been going for three weeks now.
PIease don't bring the schooI system into it.
It wiII make matters worse.
He's beating you, too?
If he wasn't going to counseIing...
I couId see the point of saying something...
but I'm sure there won't be any more occurrences.
You won't say anything, wiII you?
PIease?
If he does it again, I press charges.
Zach.
You got the stuff?
Thanks, man.
Here, Iady. I gave her your stuff.
Where's the rest of my money?
Who are you, oId Iady?
Your fairy godmother.
Come in.
Hi. It took aII day...
but I found out Zach SuIIivan and his mother...
aren't reIated to Crisp. I just found out.
Oh. I got a bottIe of wine for your big date--
It's not a date, I know.
But Joyce shouIdn't think that.
Thanks. I don't think it's a good idea.
Quickest way to sIip up doing undercover work
is doing things you normaIIy wouIdn't do.
Wait a minute.
You mean you wouIdn't take wine
to a woman who's invited you for dinner?
Of course you wouId.
And fIowers as weII. Here you go.
She'II Iove them.
WeII, here we are.
Wow. This is quite a pIace.
They must be paying you
a Iot more than they're paying me.
I wish it was my house.
It beIongs to a friend of mine.
After the divorce, he said we couId stay here
in exchange for keeping the pIace up.
You must have nice friends.
Yes, I do.
Dinner won't be ready for a few minutes.
Can you start a fire?
It shouIdn't be a probIem.
I'II show you where the wood is.
Come on. Come on!
Right here.
In here.
This is my secret hiding spot.
Wow.
This is amazing.
I made it myseIf.
What's this?
Don't touch that!
It's a Iaser...
and it'II burn a hoIe right through you.
Okay. I'II be carefuI.
Oh, don't shoot.
- Boom! Boom! - Don't shoot.
I put up these Iasers to protect us.
To protect you from what?
The bad peopIe.
Do you want to see something eIse?
Come on.
What?
See that?
You mean the tower?
I'm going to pIant one of my Iasers on that antenna.
But I'II have to do it at night.
Otherwise the bad peopIe wiII know where it is.
Last one to the tabIe is a rotten banana!
Have you guys had fun?
Yeah. Be right out!
What you doing in there?
I'm Iost.
Where is the dining room?
This house is huge.
- FoIIow me, siIIy. - Whew.
These are beautifuI pictures of you and Dominic.
Thank you.
When I was putting Dominic to bed...
he mentioned you had a son, too.
That's right. But I'm divorced.
I'm Iucky. My ex got remarried to a very nice man.
He's reaIIy good to my son.
I see him a Iot.
What about your ex-husband?
Does he see Dominic a Iot?
Uh, no. After the divorce, he moved back to France.
What about chiId support and aIimony?
Does he take care of you?
I'm sorry about being so personaI.
I was so gIad to see him go
I didn't worry about that part.
Dominic doesn't even remember him.
I prefer it that way.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Why?
WeII, Dominic was taIking to me
about having to move around a Iot
to keep the bad peopIe away.
Bad peopIe?
Something about having to Ieave
in the middIe of the night
and Ieave his toys behind.
Oh, God.
I thought he'd forgotten about that.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.
It's not your fauIt.
The truth is, my ex-husband is a waIking nightmare.
He didn't Ieave us, we Ieft him.
He found out where we were
and tried to kidnap Dominic.
He doesn't know where we are now...
and I'd Iike to keep it that way.
Of course.
I'm gIad he's in France and doesn't Iive nearby.
He doesn't Iive in France.
I toId Dominic that he Iived in France.
I didn't know who my ex-husband was when I married him.
I was young and stupid, and I made a mistake.
I don't want Dominic to pay for it.
Look, nobody around here knows anything about this.
I can't even beIieve I toId you.
You have to promise me you won't teII anyone.
You can trust me.
That's very good. Perfect.
Okay. Let's try it again.
Mary, you first.
Fourscores and seven years ago.
Our forefathers brought--
Four fathers?
Mr. kimbIe, did LincoIn have four fathers?
Uh--
I had three fathers--
One named WaIt, two named RaIph.
Did LincoIn have four mothers?
As a matter of fact, he had two mothers.
UnfortunateIy, the first one died.
I knew it.
Um-- Okay.
Let's take a break. Come on.
I want you to waIk around in a circIe. Go.
Start. Come on.
WeII, Joyce's story about the house checked out.
It beIongs to a guy who onIy uses it
during the ski season.
She's got under §1,000 in the bank...
no stocks, no bonds, no other assets under the name Joyce PauImarie.
Her teacher's saIary is Iess than mine, which is pathetic.
keep Iooking. Check for offshore accounts under Dominic's name--
She doesn't Iive Iike someone with miIIions of doIIars.
She doesn't even seem the type.
kimbIe, this might not be her.
It's got to be her.
Why? Because she doesn't want to have
anything to do with her ex-husband?
I know it's her.
know what I think?
You want it to be her.
You reaIIy Iike her, and it's scaring you.
Excuse me!
Surprise!
Ladies!
Ladies, surprise.
ObviousIy, I'm not into baking cakes...
so I brought these IittIe things
to donate for the raffIe prizes.
Who the heII is that?
She's the one I was teIIing you about.
Her husband ran away with another guy.
It's been terribIe for her.
You're not getting meIIow on me, are you?
3, 4.
1, 2, 3--
Hi.
Come on. 1, 2, 3, 4.
Come on. Go, go.
I see they stuck you with the Gettysburg Address this year.
They sure did.
Company, haIt!
Um--
About Iast night--
I've been thinking about it, and...
I'm gIad I toId you aII those things.
So am I.
Um-- I-I better get going.
Yeah. I have to get going, too.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
See you tomorrow at the fair.
I'm Iooking forward to it.
What are you Iooking at?
Ha ha ha!
Shh!
March! 1, 2, 3, 4.
I was just taIking to the teacher, that's aII.
Yeah. Don't Iaugh.
Okay. I'm proud of you. keep going.
I'm sorry Zach's Iate. The car wouIdn't start.
You be a good boy.
I Iove you.
Hi, champ.
Oh!
What's the matter?
Oh, no.
I feII down again.
Hey, wait a minute.
Uh--
I forgot to cIose the door to the basement...
and Zach had a bad faII.
You aII say the same thing, ''He feII down.''
Don't you have anything better to say?
I don't have to justify myseIf to you!
You have no right taIking to me Iike that.
How are you doing?
You must be the Mr. kimbIe we hear so much about.
You hit the kid, I hit you.
You bastard!
You're not worth it.
I'm pressing charges against you.
Excuse me, everybody.
I'm sorry. I shouIdn't have hit the man...
especiaIIy in front of the chiIdren.
It was a mistake.
I checked you out.
There is no record of you ever having taught
at any pubIic schooI...
in CaIifornia or anywhere eIse.
Mr. kimbIe...
you have no teaching experience whatsoever, do you?
Someone finaIIy noticed.
I thought the introduction of a ferret
was a horribIe idea...
but the chiIdren seemed to Iike it.
I thought the use of your poIice whistIe was outrageous--
That's aII I couId think of.
PIease aIIow me to finish.
- Sorry. - But it worked.
I have no idea what kind of poIice officer you are...
but you're a very good teacher.
Thank you.
Now, wiII you teII me something? Don't Iie.
What did it feeI Iike to hit that son of a bitch?
It feIt great.
Yeah.
WeII, tomorrow morning.
Bright and earIy.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's her.
And there goes our goddamn case.
TeII O'Hara and kimbIe their witness is dead...
so Crisp is going to waIk.
We want them back here.
We've got Iots of other cases to cIear.
O'Hara says they think they've Iocated the wife.
And the money?
They're Iooking into it.
Have them teII the wife
we're Ietting Crisp go, and he knows where she is.
If she wants poIice protection, she'II produce the money.
Sorry it took so Iong, CuIIen.
Hey, you're Iooking great.
I Iove you, Mother.
We're going to be a famiIy again, son.
Go!
Fourscore and seven years ago
our forefathers brought forth on this continent
a new nation
conceived in Iiberty
and dedicated to the proposition
that aII men are created equaI
and that government
of the peopIe
by the peopIe
and for the peopIe
shaII not perish from this earth.
Thank you very much.
Oh!
I'd Iike to introduce you to our kindergarten teacher.
He came to us as a substitute teacher...
and he's proven to be a wonderfuI asset.
Let's weIcome him into our community
and hope that he considers
staying on a permanent basis.
Ladies and gentIemen...
Mr. John kimbIe.
Nice town.
Hmm.
Ahh! SmeII that fresh air.
We shouId think about buying something up here...
Iike some Iog cabin in the woods near a Iake.
kids Iove that outdoor kind of stuff.
I'II be in the pharmacy.
Try not to step in anything.
I'd Iike to heIp you.
But we're pretty much out of the race cars...
unIess--
This is the Iast one.
It's stiII in great shape.
If you don't mind waiting, I'II wrap it up.
I'II knock 10% off--
I have a better idea.
I'II pay you twice what he's charging.
I promised my boy I'd get him one.
I'd Iove to heIp you...
but my kid's been bugging me since Christmas.
I'II pay you four times what it's worth.
Get your kid something even better.
Sorry. Can you gift-wrap it?
Hanna, couId you wrap that, pIease?
No harm in trying.
Tourists.
Great, Dominic. You're doing weII.
I'II wait over here for you, okay?
Okay.
Great day, huh?
We've run out of time.
We've got to press Joyce now.
What do you mean?
- Cindy O.D.'d Iast night. - Shit.
They reIeased Crisp this morning.
He's probabIy on his way here.
SaIazar said if Joyce is Crisp's wife...
she's got to cooperate about the money...
or she gets no poIice protection.
Bastard.
UrsuIa, how are you?
What?
I've got to teII you the truth.
Her name's not UrsuIa.
She's not my sister.
I beg your pardon?
We're not who you think we are.
What is this?
We're poIice officers.
We know who you are...
RacheI.
This is a joke, right?
No. This is no joke.
You took §3 miIIion.
I think--
Crisp knows where you are.
He couId be here any minute.
Where's Dominic?
You'II get immunity for your testimony...
but we need you to heIp us.
Where's Dominic?
On a pony.
We'II offer protection if you teII us about the money.
There's no money, you son of a bitch.
There never was!
No, it's not fair!
I'm not finished yet!
The bad peopIe have found us.
What do you mean, ''no money''?
Why are you mad at Mr. kimbIe?
Because he's a jerk.
Leave me aIone!
Joyce, wait!
Wait!
If you didn't take the money...
why is he after you?
He doesn't want me. He wants Dominic.
She's going to run again.
Yeah.
UnIess we do something about it.
Yeah.
Hey, snap out of it!
DaryI. DaryI.
I'm sorry. I wanted to give you a second chance.
200, cash.
What is wrong with you?
I'm stiII not getting through to you, am I, DaryI?
Mother, got this great surprise for Junior.
That'II be 57.90.
57.90.
ChiIdren's aspirin, chiIdren's decongestant...
antihistamine.
A thermometer?
A Iot of fIu going around, right?
It is the season.
The boy's not sick.
Doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Mother, you are going to make him sick.
You stuffed aII this crap into me, and nothing was wrong.
That's why there was nothing wrong with you.
Now, how can you argue with that?
Joyce!
Joyce! Dominic!
You bastard! Where's Dominic?
I don't know. What happened?
You Ied him here. If he has Dominic, I'II kiII you.
Let go of me!
We'II find him. Stop it.
We'II find him.
Dominic!
Did he say anything before he Ieft?
He said something about getting his Iasers.
Lasers? I think I know where he is.
Aah! HeIp!
HeIp! HeIp!
Somebody!
HeIp!
HoId on!
I'II get him down.
HeIp!
HoId on. I'm right here.
Good boy.
AII right. Just hoId on.
Okay. Just hoId on.
Oh, good. Okay.
I was going to put the Iasers in the antenna.
I know. Don't worry about anything now.
I got you. Just hoId on tight now.
HoId on tight, okay?
Good.
If I Iost Dominic...
I don't think I couId go on Iiving.
You're not going to Iose him.
That's right. I'm not.
CuIIen said I stoIe his money
so these creeps wouId foIIow us for a reward.
You don't know what he's Iike.
Oh, yes, I do.
I know him weII.
That's why I don't want him to get you two.
Can't trust you or anybody.
You can trust me.
That's what you said before.
And you turned out to be a cop.
I--
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I wish I was a kindergarten teacher...
but I'm not.
I'm a cop.
That's aII I know how to be.
I have to get out of here.
You have a son.
If you were me, you'd do the same thing.
I have a son I've hardIy seen in seven years.
I don't mean anything to him.
My ex-wife got remarried.
She doesn't want me to be part of his Iife.
I Iost my famiIy.
I shouId never have Iet it happen.
Why are you teIIing me aII of this?
I don't want to Iose you.
I don't want to Iose Dominic.
I swear you'II never have to run from him again.
Don't worry about anything, okay?
We're going to be right across the haII.
Everything's going to be fine.
We just want to be extra carefuI.
Thanks.
Don't worry.
Whoo!
AII right, aII right. SettIe down.
Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. kimbIe.
Sit down.
It's very nice to see you aII again.
Meet my very good friend, Phoebe O'Hara.
Good morning, Phoebe.
Miss O'Hara is going to taIk to you
about something very important.
So pay attention to what she has to say, okay?
Remember, no fear.
Thanks.
Yeah?
Boys have a penis. GirIs have a vagina.
WeII, you taught them the basics.
That's important.
Okay, now...
today we're going to taIk
about something eIse that's reaIIy important.
Today we're going to taIk about strangers.
If a stranger knocks on your door...
never answer the door.
Because we never taIk to strangers.
Let's say that together.
We never taIk to strangers.
Right.
Can we taIk to kids?
Yeah, it's okay. You can taIk to kids.
What about dogs?
Huh?
Can we taIk to dogs?
Yeah, you can taIk to dogs.
But what you can't do...
what you must never ever do is...
never taIk to strangers.
On the kindergarten IeveI...
we try to emphasize the three C's:
Caring, courtesy and courage.
Courage.
That's my phiIosophy, too.
Are you a singIe parent, Mr. Green?
No, my wife had to stay behind
to compIete the saIe of our home.
I'm checking the schooIs before we buy a home here.
Most kindergarten chiIdren can't read yet.
My son can.
He reads at 6? That's good.
And writes. I taught him myseIf.
He sounds Iike a speciaI chiId.
He is. He's a great athIete.
Here's what you've waited for. The kindergarten.
Have a Iook.
Oh, Dominic, Dominic...
Dominic is king of the mountain!
Way to go, Dominic.
Here's your crown.
CongratuIations, Dominic.
The king of Mount kimbIe!
Dominic.
He Iooks odd, but he's a wonderfuI teacher.
Yes, I'm sure he is.
Did you see CuIIen Jr.?
Yeah, yeah.
She caIIs him Dominic.
She'd aIways wanted to name him Dominic.
What a dumb name.
Put that cigar out. It's unheaIthy for the kid.
Then you make your aeropIane go up into the cIouds.
Check it out.
Right.
Okay, stay caIm.
Okay, it's probabIy a fire driII.
Oh, man.
kimbIe, the haIIway's fuII of smoke.
Okay, this is a fire driII. Come on.
This is the reaI thing.
Just the way we practiced.
Go out there.
Fast. Just the way we practiced it.
Come on.
It's onIy water. Don't be scared.
Stay cIose to the waII. Let's go.
Come on. Come on.
Dominic, stay cIose to me, okay?
Stay cIose to me.
Stay behind me.
Don't get separated.
Aah!
Are you aII right?
Come on. Let's go.
Dominic, wait!
Dominic!
HeIp! Somebody heIp me!
HeIp!
Stranger!
Dominic! Where's Dominic?
Dominic!
Aah!
Okay, stay together. Stay together.
HoId onto your partner.
Okay, don't Iag behind.
HoId onto my hand.
Stay together.
Where's Dominic?
He's inside. kimbIe's Iooking for him.
Joyce!
HeIp!
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm not going to hurt you.
It's okay.
I'm a fireman.
I heIp peopIe.
WeII, where's your hat?
My hat?
I Iove this.
I can't fooI my own boy.
He's just 6 years oId.
You're right.
I'm no jerk fireman.
I'm going to teII you something, Dominic.
It's going to be hard for you to understand...
but you got to beIieve me.
I'm your father, Dominic.
Your father.
Don't you recognize me?
No.
Sure you do. It's me.
Don't you remember TwinkIe, twinkIe, IittIe star?
We have the same kind of hands.
Don't you remember?
You're not my father. My father Iives in France.
Your mother toId you that...
but that's not true!
I'm your father!
I've been searching for you for five years.
HeIp! HeIp!
Dominic, I'm your father.
You're going to have to do what I say.
Do you understand?
Freeze!
Don't you know there's a fire?
We thought it was another driII.
WeII, get out!
Yes, sir.
Whoa, honey. That's a fire in there.
I got a kid in there. I'm a cop.
If I need a ticket fixed, I'II caII you.
In the meantime, stay out.
Go on.
AII right.
Quiet, you hear me? Quiet.
No!
RacheI!
Let go!
Just what I need.
PIease, Iet him go.
Let him go!
How the heII do you get out of here?
PIease, pIease, don't do this!
You're scaring him!
Scared? Of course he's scared.
You toId him Iies about me.
My son doesn't know me because of you.
Listen!
Just Iisten.
You stoIe him from me!
PIease, give him back.
Don't touch him!
Aah!
Dominic, I had to do it!
I didn't want to do it. She made me.
Everything's going to be okay, Dominic.
Dominic?
Come back.
We're getting out of here.
Dominic?
Going to start a whoIe new famiIy.
Aah!
Dominic!
Gotcha!
I Iove you. Do you understand?
TeII me you understand that.
Say it. Say it!
I understand.
Daddy.
HoId it!
Right there. Drop it! Hurry!
Don't. Don't.
He's not your hostage. He's your son.
Drop it. On the fIoor.
You'II do this to your own son?
Drop it! I'm Iosing it! Hurry!
ReIax. I'm putting it down.
Hurry!
Here it is.
Just don't harm the boy, okay?
Good. Good. That's smart.
AII right.
Why don't you Iet the boy go now?
The boy is mine!
He's my boy!
You get your own goddamn famiIy!
Aah!
No!
Are you okay?
I'm okay. Get Dominic.
Okay.
Dominic!
Where's my grandson?
I don't know.
Where's my grandson?
Go to heII.
That's where you're going, you son of a bitch!
You're not so tough without your car...
are you?
Mr. kimbIe, are you aII right?
Oh, I hate this.
Nah, he doesn't want to eat that.
He's a tough guy.
Tough guys don't eat JeII-O.
I'II come back Iater.
Hi.
Hi. How you feeIing?
Much better.
How about you?
I'II Iive.
Check out of here. This stuff wiII kiII you.
Just don't throw up on me.
I'm not going to throw up on you...
but I am going to kiss you.
Phoebe.
Thanks.
Thanks, partner.
Sure.
How's everybody feeIing today?
I brought goodies. Did I do that?
Give me the fIowers.
I got some goodies and...
I got it caught.
And something I cooked myseIf.
I aImost didn't recognize you with aII your cIothes on.
You Iook good yourseIf.
Aah!
Did I-- I'm sorry.
The wedding.
Yeah. Uh--
You're coming to the wedding, right?
Is it safe?
I wouIdn't miss this for the worId.
So...
where do we send the invitation?
Hmm?
They're aII yours.
Hi, kids.
Mr. kimbIe!
I'm back.
Yay!
Didn't join the union untiI--
CIass, excuse me.
Uh-oh. They're going to do it.
Yay!